Everyone wants to find happiness. There are untold numbers of books on the subject, and we are always looking for the “secret to happiness.” Lately, I have seen many articles and posts stating that the secret to happiness is gratitude. Being thankful for what we have and not focusing on what we don’t. I agree with that, and this is an especially important message in these times, when so many people come across as feeling entitled. It’s interesting to read about this new discovery that psychologists and others have recently discovered and has become all the rage, but It’s been in the Torah for thousands of years. The Mishna in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) states: Who is wealthy? One who is satisfied with his or her lot. But it originates much further back, in a story in this week’s Parsha, Vayishlach.
Yaakov has spent 20 years in Lavan’s house in Charan, and is returning to Canaan. He knows that Esav hates him and wants to kill him, and that is confirmed by the messengers (angels) he sends to see what Esav is up to. So in addition to prayer and preparing for war, he sends a massive gift of several herds of animals to Esav. In the end Esav decides not to fight and instead embraces and kisses Yaakov. Then they talk for a while, and Esav says to Yaakov: “I have a lot [of possessions], my brother, keep what is yours.” Yaakov answers: “Please take the gift that I have sent you because Hashem has been gracious to me and I have everything [I need].”
There are two major differences in the statements that our Sages point out. Esav says “I have a lot,” implying that there is always room for more, and, it would seem, taking personal credit for his wealth. Yaakov, however, attributes his wealth to Hashem’s blessings, and he says “I have everything,” meaning that I am perfectly satisfied with what I have. Material things will never make us happy, because human nature is such that, as the Talmud states, one who has 100 wants 200, and one who has 200 wants 400, and it doubles from there. So no matter how much we achieve, we always feel like we only have half of what we need. If we can harness that natural desire for spiritual growth, constantly striving for improvement and enlightenment, and be satisfied with what we have materially, that leads to a truly happy life.